Mirlene Santos

Tag: life

  • Who Am I Now? Exploring Identity in Midlife and Relationships

    Who Am I Now? Exploring Identity in Midlife and Relationships

    There comes a moment — often quiet, sometimes sudden — when you pause and ask yourself:

    “Who am I now?”

    It might happen while staring at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, walking alone after a heated conversation, or lying awake at night with a gnawing restlessness you can’t quite name.

    Midlife can be a time of transition, reevaluation, and deep emotional questioning — especially for women navigating menopause, shifting roles, or changing dynamics in their relationships.

    This is not a breakdown.

    It’s a breakthrough.

    Identity Isn’t Fixed — It Evolves

    Many women spend decades being everything for everyone — the reliable partner, the hands-on parent, the dependable friend, the strong professional. But somewhere along the way, parts of ourselves can go quiet.

    Midlife invites those parts to speak again.

    This stage often brings with it:

    Hormonal and physical changes (like perimenopause and menopause)

    Emotional shifts (questioning long-held beliefs or values)

    Sexual identity exploration

    Changes in intimacy and desire

    Grief or letting go (of youth, past relationships, old roles)

    These are not signs of crisis. They’re signs of becoming.

    “I Don’t Recognise Myself Anymore…”

    If you’ve found yourself saying things like:

    “I used to enjoy that… why don’t I anymore?”

    “My body feels different, and so do I.”

    “I’m not sure what I want from my relationship.”

    “I’m craving something, but I don’t know what.”

    You’re not alone.

    These questions are an invitation to reconnect — not just with others, but with yourself. Therapy can offer a space where you don’t have to have all the answers. You can simply explore what’s true for you now.

    Relationships Can Shift Too

    As you change, your relationships may need to evolve too. You might find yourself:

    Wanting deeper emotional connection

    Feeling disconnected from a partner or old friends

    Exploring sexuality in new ways

    Reconsidering boundaries, values, or expectations

    This can feel unsettling — but also empowering. You’re allowed to outgrow roles or labels that no longer fit. You’re allowed to ask for more.

    In therapy, we can explore:

    Who you are today vs. who you were expected to be

    How life transitions are shaping your self-perception

    What you long for — emotionally, relationally, sexually

    How to reconnect with confidence, pleasure, and purpose

    This is your time. A time to soften into yourself, to meet the new version of you with compassion, and to say:

    “Welcome back.”

    (Psychosexual therapy is a specialised form of talking therapy that focuses on emotional, relational, and psychological well-being. It does not involve physical touch, and all interventions are strictly verbal. This approach adheres to high professional standards, ensuring the safety, respect, and dignity of all clients. Please note that psychosexual therapy is not a substitute for medical treatment. For any physical or medical concerns, clients are encouraged to seek advice from their GP or an appropriate healthcare professional.)

    Written by Mirlene Santos

    mirlenesantostherapy.info

  • Rebuilding After a Breakup: How to Heal and Restore Your Self-Worth

    Rebuilding After a Breakup: How to Heal and Restore Your Self-Worth

    Breakups can shake us to our core. When a relationship ends, it often feels like the foundation of your life has been ripped away. It’s not just the loss of a partner—it’s the loss of identity, of routine, of shared dreams. You may find yourself asking painful questions: Who am I without this relationship? Was it all my fault? Am I still lovable?

    These thoughts are normal, but they are not facts. The end of a relationship doesn’t mean the end of your worth. In fact, breakups can be an opportunity to reconnect with who you truly are—independent of anyone else.

    A Broken Heart Is Not a Broken Person

    When a relationship becomes central to our identity, its loss can feel like personal failure. But the pain you feel is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign that you loved, invested, and cared deeply. That says something beautiful about your capacity to connect.

    Think of the breakup as a rupture, not a collapse. If you broke your leg, you wouldn’t feel like your entire body had failed. You would focus on healing the broken part. Apply that same logic to your emotional well-being. What you’re experiencing now is a wound—painful, yes, but not permanent. And definitely not a definition of your worth.

    You Are Not Damaged Goods

    It’s easy to dwell on perceived failures after a breakup, but the truth is: you are still whole. You are still worthy of love, friendship, joy, and connection. You may have been hurt, but you are not broken. You may feel rejected, but that does not mean you are unlovable.

    Your story didn’t end with this relationship—a new chapter is beginning.

    Building Your Self-Worth After a Breakup

    Some people believe confidence is something you’re born with—but it can absolutely be learned. Even if you feel low right now, there are ways to begin rebuilding your sense of self. Here are five small but powerful steps:

    1. Be Kind to Yourself

    Learn what brings you joy and what matters most to you. Stop comparing yourself to others or measuring your worth through someone else’s lens.

    2. Challenge Your Inner Critic

    When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” pause and ask: Is this true? Would I say this to a friend? Replace self-judgment with self-compassion.

    3. Take Care of Your Body and Mind

    Eat nourishing food, move your body, get enough rest, and limit alcohol or other substances. These actions signal to yourself that you are worth caring for.

    4. Notice the Good

    Celebrate small wins. Accept compliments without deflecting. Make a habit of writing down one thing you like about yourself each day.

    5. Practice Assertiveness

    Don’t feel pressured to say yes to everything. Check in with yourself first. Building boundaries is an act of self-respect.

    When to Seek Support

    If you’re feeling overwhelmed by negative thoughts or emotions, reach out. Whether it’s a trusted friend or a qualified therapist, talking through your experience can bring clarity and relief. You don’t have to go through this alone.

    A breakup can feel like an ending, but it can also be a beginning. A beginning of rediscovering who you are, what you value, and how deeply you deserve to be loved—starting with yourself.

    (Psychosexual therapy is a specialised form of talking therapy that focuses on emotional, relational, and psychological well-being. It does not involve physical touch, and all interventions are strictly verbal. This approach adheres to high professional standards, ensuring the safety, respect, and dignity of all clients. Please note that psychosexual therapy is not a substitute for medical treatment. For any physical or medical concerns, clients are encouraged to seek advice from their GP or an appropriate healthcare professional.)

    📞 Ready to talk? Contact Mirlene Santos Therapy for support, guidance, and a safe space to heal.

    Visit: mirlenesantostherapy.com