Mirlene Santos

Tag: divorce

  • Rebuilding After a Breakup: How to Heal and Restore Your Self-Worth

    Rebuilding After a Breakup: How to Heal and Restore Your Self-Worth

    Breakups can shake us to our core. When a relationship ends, it often feels like the foundation of your life has been ripped away. It’s not just the loss of a partner—it’s the loss of identity, of routine, of shared dreams. You may find yourself asking painful questions: Who am I without this relationship? Was it all my fault? Am I still lovable?

    These thoughts are normal, but they are not facts. The end of a relationship doesn’t mean the end of your worth. In fact, breakups can be an opportunity to reconnect with who you truly are—independent of anyone else.

    A Broken Heart Is Not a Broken Person

    When a relationship becomes central to our identity, its loss can feel like personal failure. But the pain you feel is not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign that you loved, invested, and cared deeply. That says something beautiful about your capacity to connect.

    Think of the breakup as a rupture, not a collapse. If you broke your leg, you wouldn’t feel like your entire body had failed. You would focus on healing the broken part. Apply that same logic to your emotional well-being. What you’re experiencing now is a wound—painful, yes, but not permanent. And definitely not a definition of your worth.

    You Are Not Damaged Goods

    It’s easy to dwell on perceived failures after a breakup, but the truth is: you are still whole. You are still worthy of love, friendship, joy, and connection. You may have been hurt, but you are not broken. You may feel rejected, but that does not mean you are unlovable.

    Your story didn’t end with this relationship—a new chapter is beginning.

    Building Your Self-Worth After a Breakup

    Some people believe confidence is something you’re born with—but it can absolutely be learned. Even if you feel low right now, there are ways to begin rebuilding your sense of self. Here are five small but powerful steps:

    1. Be Kind to Yourself

    Learn what brings you joy and what matters most to you. Stop comparing yourself to others or measuring your worth through someone else’s lens.

    2. Challenge Your Inner Critic

    When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” pause and ask: Is this true? Would I say this to a friend? Replace self-judgment with self-compassion.

    3. Take Care of Your Body and Mind

    Eat nourishing food, move your body, get enough rest, and limit alcohol or other substances. These actions signal to yourself that you are worth caring for.

    4. Notice the Good

    Celebrate small wins. Accept compliments without deflecting. Make a habit of writing down one thing you like about yourself each day.

    5. Practice Assertiveness

    Don’t feel pressured to say yes to everything. Check in with yourself first. Building boundaries is an act of self-respect.

    When to Seek Support

    If you’re feeling overwhelmed by negative thoughts or emotions, reach out. Whether it’s a trusted friend or a qualified therapist, talking through your experience can bring clarity and relief. You don’t have to go through this alone.

    A breakup can feel like an ending, but it can also be a beginning. A beginning of rediscovering who you are, what you value, and how deeply you deserve to be loved—starting with yourself.

    (Psychosexual therapy is a specialised form of talking therapy that focuses on emotional, relational, and psychological well-being. It does not involve physical touch, and all interventions are strictly verbal. This approach adheres to high professional standards, ensuring the safety, respect, and dignity of all clients. Please note that psychosexual therapy is not a substitute for medical treatment. For any physical or medical concerns, clients are encouraged to seek advice from their GP or an appropriate healthcare professional.)

    📞 Ready to talk? Contact Mirlene Santos Therapy for support, guidance, and a safe space to heal.

    Visit: mirlenesantostherapy.com

  • 4 Practical Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationship

    4 Practical Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationship

    Breakdowns in communication are often at the heart of why couples seek therapy. In the early stages of a relationship, especially during the honeymoon phase, communication can feel effortless. You finish each other’s sentences, pick up on subtle cues, and feel emotionally in sync. But as time goes on—and life brings work pressures, family demands, or simply routine—that connection can start to fray.

    What once felt like easy conversation may begin to feel fragmented or tense. Loving whispers can shift into sighs of frustration. When conflict escalates, couples often find themselves in repeated arguments, recycling old grievances, and becoming less interested in hearing one another.

    As a couple counsellor, I often witness the “tit-for-tat” dynamic where partners trade criticisms and seek to prove the other wrong. Sometimes, they even try to recruit the therapist to take their side. But couple counselling isn’t about blame or winning—it’s about rebuilding connection, fostering understanding, and learning how to communicate with care and intention.

    Here are four ways you can start improving communication with your partner—before you reach a breaking point:

    1. Create Space for Honest Conversations

    Set a regular time to check in with one another. This could be once a week or even a few minutes each day where you both agree to talk openly and without distractions. Choose a neutral setting, set a calm tone, and use this time to share feelings or concerns with the intention of strengthening your connection—not deepening divides.

    2. Practise Active Listening

    Try this simple but powerful exercise: take five minutes each to speak and listen. While one partner talks, the other listens silently—no interrupting, defending, or formulating responses. When the speaker finishes, the listener paraphrases what they heard and checks for understanding. Then swap roles. This practice can help both of you feel truly heard and validated.

    3. Use “I” Statements

    Not Blame Avoid starting sentences with “you always” or “you never,” as they often provoke defensiveness. Instead, say: “When X happens, I feel Y.” This shifts the focus to your emotional experience and invites your partner to understand your perspective, rather than defend themselves.

    4. Pause Before You React

    Before responding in the heat of the moment, take a breath and reflect. Are you about to say something hurtful or reactive, perhaps echoing patterns from your past? Communication isn’t just about speaking—it’s also about choosing words that come from empathy rather than autopilot. Speak with intention, not just impulse.

    Improving how you communicate is one of the most powerful ways to nurture a healthy, resilient relationship. Couple counselling can offer additional tools and support tailored to your unique dynamic.

    (Psychosexual therapy is a specialised form of talking therapy that focuses on emotional, relational, and psychological well-being. It does not involve physical touch, and all interventions are strictly verbal. This approach adheres to high professional standards, ensuring the safety, respect, and dignity of all clients. Please note that psychosexual therapy is not a substitute for medical treatment. For any physical or medical concerns, clients are encouraged to seek advice from their GP or an appropriate healthcare professional.)

    To book an appointment:📞 contact Mirlene Santos Therapy and start your next chapter together.

    Visit: mirlenesantostherapy.com

  • Understanding Common Sexual Dysfunctions

    Understanding Common Sexual Dysfunctions

    Sexual difficulties are more common than many people realise — and they can affect individuals of all genders, ages, and backgrounds. These challenges may arise suddenly or develop gradually, and they can impact both individuals and couples in deeply emotional ways.

    Whether you’re experiencing a loss of desire, difficulties with arousal or orgasm, or distress around performance or pain, you are not alone. Many of these issues can be explored and addressed through psychosexual therapy. This article offers an overview of some of the most common sexual dysfunctions and how therapeutic support can help.

    Erectile Dysfunction

    (ED) Erectile dysfunction, sometimes referred to as impotence, is when a person with a penis has difficulty getting or maintaining an erection firm enough for sexual activity. While occasional difficulties are common, ongoing challenges can affect self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being.

    ED is more likely with age, but it is not an inevitable part of aging. Physical health conditions like high blood pressure, heart disease, or diabetes are common contributing factors, as are emotional issues such as stress, anxiety, or relationship strain. Psychosexual therapy can support individuals in identifying underlying causes, managing performance anxiety, and improving confidence and communication with partners.

    Anorgasmia

    Anorgasmia is a condition where a person is unable to reach orgasm despite adequate stimulation and arousal. It is more common in women, although it can also affect men, typically in the form of delayed ejaculation.

    Anorgasmia can be influenced by psychological, emotional, or physical factors. These might include past trauma, anxiety, relationship issues, hormonal imbalances, or certain medications. A psychosexual therapist can help explore and address these contributing factors in a supportive, non-judgmental space.

    Dyspareunia (Painful Intercourse)

    Dyspareunia refers to persistent or recurrent pain during or after sexual intercourse. Though it is more commonly experienced by women, men can also be affected. Causes may be physical (such as infections, endometriosis, or menopause) or psychological (including anxiety, past trauma, or relationship difficulties).

    Even when the original physical cause has resolved, pain can continue due to anticipatory anxiety or muscle tension. Therapy can help individuals and couples understand the mind-body connection and rebuild confidence and comfort in intimate situations.

    Vaginismus

    Vaginismus involves the involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles when penetration is attempted, making intercourse, tampon use, or medical exams painful or impossible. It can be distressing and isolating for those affected.

    Therapy offers a safe and supportive space to explore the emotional, relational, and physical contributors to vaginismus. With guidance, many individuals can learn to gently work through the condition and rebuild a sense of safety and confidence in their bodies.

    Premature Ejaculation

    Premature ejaculation is when ejaculation happens sooner than desired, often before or shortly after penetration. It is one of the most common sexual issues among men and can cause distress for both partners.

    While it is not uncommon for this to occur occasionally, frequent premature ejaculation can lead to frustration and lowered sexual satisfaction. Psychosexual therapy can help individuals explore psychological and physiological causes, develop coping strategies, and build confidence in sexual relationships.

    Delayed Ejaculation (Retarded Ejaculation)

    Delayed ejaculation is when there is a persistent difficulty or inability to reach ejaculation during sexual activity, despite adequate arousal and desire. It can be frustrating and confusing, especially when other areas of sexual functioning feel unaffected.

    Factors may include anxiety, trauma, relationship conflict, or side effects from medications. Therapy can help uncover underlying issues and introduce practical techniques for improving responsiveness and satisfaction.

    Loss of Libido (Sexual Desire)

    Loss of sexual desire can affect people at any stage of life and is often linked to hormonal changes, stress, emotional distress, relationship dynamics, or certain health conditions.

    Although fluctuations in libido are normal, a persistent or distressing loss of desire can impact one’s self-esteem and intimacy with a partner. Psychosexual therapy can provide a space to explore these experiences and identify ways to reignite connection and desire.

    Fear of Intimacy

    Fear of intimacy can result in emotional distance, difficulty with trust, or avoidance of closeness and vulnerability. It may stem from past trauma, attachment wounds, or fear of rejection.

    This fear can create a deep sense of loneliness and confusion, even in committed relationships. Through therapy, individuals can begin to explore their patterns, develop self-awareness, and move toward deeper emotional connection.

    Sex Addiction (Hypersexuality)

    Sex addiction, or hypersexuality, is marked by compulsive sexual behaviour that feels out of control or harmful. Individuals may struggle with intrusive sexual thoughts or feel compelled to engage in behaviours that negatively affect their well-being or relationships.

    Psychosexual therapy offers a space to explore the underlying emotional drivers of addiction and begin developing healthier, more connected ways of relating.

    Sexual Issues in Relationships

    Sexual problems often reflect or contribute to relationship challenges. For example, one partner may equate sex with emotional validation, while the other may seek intimacy through non-sexual closeness. These mismatches can lead to misunderstanding, resentment, or withdrawal.

    Relationship therapy can help couples navigate these differences, improve communication, and strengthen both emotional and physical intimacy.

    Seeking Support If you or your partner are experiencing sexual difficulties, please know that you are not alone and that support is available. Psychosexual therapy provides a confidential, compassionate space to explore these concerns and move toward greater connection, healing, and fulfilment.

    (Psychosexual therapy is a specialised form of talking therapy that focuses on emotional, relational, and psychological well-being. It does not involve physical touch, and all interventions are strictly verbal. This approach adheres to high professional standards, ensuring the safety, respect, and dignity of all clients. Please note that psychosexual therapy is not a substitute for medical treatment. For any physical or medical concerns, clients are encouraged to seek advice from their GP or an appropriate healthcare professional.)

    📞 Contact Mirlene Santos Therapy to start your next chapter.

    mirlenesantostherapy.com

    24th Apr 2025

  • Healing After Divorce: A Guide to Rebuilding Your Life

    Written by

    Mirlene Santos Therapy

    April, 2025

    Divorce can feel like the end of a dream — and the beginning of emotional chaos. Whether caused by infidelity, emotional distance, or years of unresolved conflict, separation often brings pain, confusion, and fear about what comes next.

    But it’s also a moment of possibility — a time to reclaim yourself, heal, and rebuild.

    What to do:

    • Feel your feelings – Grief, anger, and confusion are normal. Let yourself go through it.
    • Trust you’ll feel better – Like bereavement, healing takes time.
    • Reconnect with loved ones – Surround yourself with people who care.
    • Create space for new beginnings – Declutter emotionally and physically.
    • Set boundaries – Be clear about communication and co-parenting.
    • Look after your finances – Seek professional guidance if needed.

    What not to do:

    • Argue in front of the kids – Protect their emotional safety.
    • Rush into a new relationship – Take time to heal and understand your needs.
    • Stalk your ex online – Give yourself room to move forward.
    • Lose your passions – Reconnect with what brings you joy.
    • Suffer in silence – Therapy can help you process and rebuild.

    (Psychosexual therapy is a specialised form of talking therapy that focuses on emotional, relational, and psychological well-being. It does not involve physical touch, and all interventions are strictly verbal. This approach adheres to high professional standards, ensuring the safety, respect, and dignity of all clients. Please note that psychosexual therapy is not a substitute for medical treatment. For any physical or medical concerns, clients are encouraged to seek advice from their GP or an appropriate healthcare professional.)

    mirlenesantostherapy.com