Breakdowns in communication are often at the heart of why couples seek therapy. In the early stages of a relationship, especially during the honeymoon phase, communication can feel effortless. You finish each other’s sentences, pick up on subtle cues, and feel emotionally in sync. But as time goes on—and life brings work pressures, family demands, or simply routine—that connection can start to fray.
What once felt like easy conversation may begin to feel fragmented or tense. Loving whispers can shift into sighs of frustration. When conflict escalates, couples often find themselves in repeated arguments, recycling old grievances, and becoming less interested in hearing one another.
As a couple counsellor, I often witness the “tit-for-tat” dynamic where partners trade criticisms and seek to prove the other wrong. Sometimes, they even try to recruit the therapist to take their side. But couple counselling isn’t about blame or winning—it’s about rebuilding connection, fostering understanding, and learning how to communicate with care and intention.
Here are four ways you can start improving communication with your partner—before you reach a breaking point:
1. Create Space for Honest Conversations
Set a regular time to check in with one another. This could be once a week or even a few minutes each day where you both agree to talk openly and without distractions. Choose a neutral setting, set a calm tone, and use this time to share feelings or concerns with the intention of strengthening your connection—not deepening divides.
2. Practise Active Listening
Try this simple but powerful exercise: take five minutes each to speak and listen. While one partner talks, the other listens silently—no interrupting, defending, or formulating responses. When the speaker finishes, the listener paraphrases what they heard and checks for understanding. Then swap roles. This practice can help both of you feel truly heard and validated.
3. Use “I” Statements
Not Blame Avoid starting sentences with “you always” or “you never,” as they often provoke defensiveness. Instead, say: “When X happens, I feel Y.” This shifts the focus to your emotional experience and invites your partner to understand your perspective, rather than defend themselves.
4. Pause Before You React
Before responding in the heat of the moment, take a breath and reflect. Are you about to say something hurtful or reactive, perhaps echoing patterns from your past? Communication isn’t just about speaking—it’s also about choosing words that come from empathy rather than autopilot. Speak with intention, not just impulse.
Improving how you communicate is one of the most powerful ways to nurture a healthy, resilient relationship. Couple counselling can offer additional tools and support tailored to your unique dynamic.
(Psychosexual therapy is a specialised form of talking therapy that focuses on emotional, relational, and psychological well-being. It does not involve physical touch, and all interventions are strictly verbal. This approach adheres to high professional standards, ensuring the safety, respect, and dignity of all clients. Please note that psychosexual therapy is not a substitute for medical treatment. For any physical or medical concerns, clients are encouraged to seek advice from their GP or an appropriate healthcare professional.)
To book an appointment:📞 contact Mirlene Santos Therapy and start your next chapter together.
Visit: mirlenesantostherapy.com
Mirlene Santos 
Leave a comment